I am definitely not a mathematician yet, but I find the act and philosophy of doing mathematics and being mathematics to be utterly fascinating. What does it mean to be a mathematician? In his essay A Mathematician’s Apology , G.H. Hardy recounted his journey as a mathematician, and how he felt that he was becoming increasingly disconnected from the world around him, and how he wished that he could have been more present. I will not outline it here, but I highly encourage whoever is reading this to read its contents. (a pdf copy of this illuminating read can be found here )

What does it mean? When thinking about career choices as a person interested in pure mathematics, there’s always a dilemma. Do you pursue pure mathematics research or do you pursue industry work? While the latter earns larger sums of money, and it leads to greater opportunities to collaborate with others, pure research also occupies a vastly different position - in a more secluded, independent, and some might say “isolated” way. Now when one chooses between the two, one might also consider the amount of happiness derived from each choice of work. Communication with others is naturally viewed as something from which to derive happiness, and I completely and wholeheartedly agree; so, to pursue mathematics alone… somewhere in a dark room… lost… surrounded by one’s thoughts, must feel… lonely? I have never known this feeling. Why does one choose to pursue mathematics? I can never hope to answer this question, because it will never be answered.

What does it mean to pursue mathematics? I’m not talking about the literal sense, or even the philosophical sense, but moreso the human sense. A human life is what - at most 90 years? There is just not enough time. One can be productive for every second of their short life in a realm of grains of time and still yet never understand the what they are doing. Until it’s too late. The brilliance is immaculate, but it’s simply so fleeting. It’s frightening, I might add - many take their own lives in fear of what they might accomplish; or what they might not accomplish. So to do mathematics, to dedicate one’s life to a study of pure human thought and something so rare and pure and treasurable, is something so bold that even the boldest could never understand. Why, when there is a world of ways to pass time in other more pleasurable ways, do people still do mathematics? When I think about this question, the only thing I can think about is how inherently human it truly is to do something of such make-believe. It really is insanity, but I guess it has been embedded in the few thousand years of human history. It’s pathetic how we have thrived with such little time.